1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
