i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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