so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
