Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
