I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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