"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
