you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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