Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
