I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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