Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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