please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
