Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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