Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
