no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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