I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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