dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
