So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
well, you know. whores of a feather.