just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home