Plan B is the new Plan A
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
