I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
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Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background