I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.