Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
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tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.