She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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