Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
