I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
