there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
