Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
