You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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