party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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