I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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