how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
