hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
