swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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