Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
