you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
