I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
