I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
