We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
