I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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