I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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