I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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