what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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