For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
