I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
