Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
