I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
