I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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