dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
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hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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