Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The power of my boobs compel you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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