WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Vodka?
Forever.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
