Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
