I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
