I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
