Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
