Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
