Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
