Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
