haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
