His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
