So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
