You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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