C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
