So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
