I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
