We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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