3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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