Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
