A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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