um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this just has baby written all over it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
