Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
