and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
