I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
