i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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