Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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