my vag is so smooth its legendary
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
