fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
