My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
