I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
