my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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