Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
