I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i wish my penis had a tongue
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
