some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
