I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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