i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
