look no pants
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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