meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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