is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
