Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
